Rebecca Riot's Diary

This image shared in a FB group has stuck with me. When people ask what I wish had been different would be something along these lines last Halloween. It's taken many years of not understanding myself, and while I had been raised by accepting supportive parents, I grew up in a time where constructive conversation about sex and gender was outlawed , but not the rampant queerphobic rhetoric of kids and adults in educational environments. Humans are social creatures, to be alone outside of the tribe is a threat to life in more primitive stages of our evolution. We therefore have a survival instinct to confirm and mask, and have anxieties about being different which are often out of control at adolescent ages. when trying to improve my anxieties I had started the process of letting people into the guarded part of my psyche that I hadn't even faced. My wife, who up to then had been THE CENTRE of everything I did for 10 years at that time was let into what i was going thr...

So where to begin. These past 2 months have both flown and dragged. My medical issue (Epididymal cysts) has just become more problematic for my own comfort (physical and mental). Im often woken up just turning and now sitting is become an issue. This has laft me just exhausted and distracted. Some days are better than others. But friday it was really bad, inflamation and swelling etc. Since then its gone down but i have been a zombie. On the crossdressing front i have not had opportunity since May, qnd had arranged to be with sister today to have me time. I have a new dress i am eager to try on, but fearfull i wont fit or will just be mishapen. Theres nothing worse to a body blow than being disphoric and attempting to fix it only for crushing dissapointment. On top of this my wife and i have had ups and downs. She has weaponised my other side in a disagreement about something else, and then complained when i took a dress to my sister that i never told her about it, and we dont talk any...