Rebecca Riot's Diary

11 years ago i was thinking my window for presenting was fading. I was depressed, overweight and living in crowded accomidation, and finding no alone time to dress or even think of practicing makeup. At this time i still truly disnt know what was up with me. I wanted to be glamerous, i envied the femme fetalles for thier grace and cool, but i didnt feel this all the time, and i was not attracted to men, so why did i feel this way.  I considered the goal of just glamming up to be unatainable past 30. I just want to go back in time and alap myself for being ageist, and showing what a bit of support and help from my sister for basic application advice can achieve.

This was written June 17th, and left in drafts. It's not a great day for me. Im really at my limits mentally right now. A week ago after enjoying a bbq meal with the wife I had a moment of mental calm, no chorus of noise which has been getting worse for the past decade, I was in masculine mode and enjoying having done a days yard work and splitting ash logs for the bbq. It was at this moment wife felt like she was doing cleanup oon her own (I was cleaning metal grills down with a wire brush while they were still hot), so decided to argue. In which my genderfludity was brought up by her and weaponised. Now the advantage of not suffering noise of ADHD, being in the mindset that matched my body, and no longer ashamed of this side of me, was that I just wasn't reacting emotionally.  But then she hit me with "I cant trust you in womens bathrooms" This actually did anger me. I have a deep hatred of ny kind if preditation, whether in be sexual or financial. So I told her t...