Hello it's been a while. I've grown...

Having been in a rut since my last trip to reading in August, I opted to push myself to go out locally(ish)in girl mode. There was a local goth night in Swansea and I figured as the only other option was a Drag Bar for hen parties and gawkers (no thanks!) I would go.

On Saturday I told my wife I needed to be done before it's time for me to go out, she paused, and asked in a dropped vocal tone if it was the goth night. She said that she had an invite and stomped back in her room. 

I stood at the door and told her that I do not want to be the reason she doesn't do something she wishes to, and should go regardless, as we will have times we will inevitably bump into each other. After 2 minutes she said she didn't have a lift etc anyway.

Later she had relaxed and even gave me a foundation shed not used as it wasn't right for her (and my usual one had come off too ruddy). After 3 attempts I was happy with the makeup look, just in time for my ride.

As to the goth night... I arrived early at the venue before the event was officially due and enjoyed a band playing for the usual crowd. It was then I was adopted by the first group, lead by a girl known to me only as Tori.

She was a huge bundle of fun and energy, and I enjoyed her time. She asked if my shortened name was for the feminine version, and I answered honestly that it was short for the Masculine. This I think was unexpected and I think that is why I was adopted and invited to venue 2 of the night.

The second venue was at a hardcore punk show in the loft of a tattoo parlour, and I got to know Toris boyfriend more in this occasion. The gig was short-lived however as the police broke it up. So off to venue 3 weeks trotted.

Venue 3 was where the development really took place.

We were there for about 15 minutes before I felt the need to go to the bathroom, as did Tori who asked me if I needed the loo. However reaching the toilets Tori stopped me going into the Men's, and asked WTF I was doing. She insisted I should go to the ladies as I was a lady. And after we were both washing up and touching up makeup etc she pointed out some graffiti on the stall door.

The dams broke and I was trying to hold back tears, asking what was the matter I explained how my own wife had told me she doesn't trust me in women's washrooms, and all of a sudden there were a group of ladies giving me reassurance. That was it for me, I started bawling.

Once composed and with a new friend made in a woman named Lou, she asked about my lipstick and I shared the type I used, and even helped apply lined and the lipstick to her, we left the ladies and caught up with Tori before I went to sit out front with Tori while we shared our respective stories.

Later returning, and meeting Lou's boyfriend, he and I had a long deep conversation on disphoria and he admired the courage I had to which I assured him it was easier than going out in guy mode for me personally.

The rest of the night is a blur but I do remember snippets, such as Lou asking me about my bra fillers (and I pulled one out to show her what I used), and another occasion where someone (Tori I think) asked who did my hair (and I de-wigged to prove it was a wig).

My number was left with both Tori and Lou and I hope to have much more of a friend's network soon.

The takeaway of the night was positive and I couldn't help but remember a meme: