taking way too long with divorce, transition, and now I'm being doubted by family

It has been about 2 years since I came out to my immediate family as genderfluid. And in this time in discussions with my GP, who believes I'm Trans, but just cope with the disphoria, I have tried to girl up as often as I can..it takes a lot of effort however.

During 2023 my spouse had gone nuclear a few times with words.

Randomly stating she does not trust me in women's bathrooms, later comparing my disphoria to being like buffalo bill from the silence of the lambs. And saying I dressed like a hooker.

Yes this photo.

She had even told me the reason she didn't look at me or comfort me when I was sobbing on the bedroom floor after finding a 4cm diameter lump was because I disgusted her, and she didn't like physical contact as she's asexual (which is odd as she was hypersexual when we first started off).

The second to last straw was when I finally pushed to go visit a friend for a girls night out, tried to kiss me as I left which I recoiled because she hasn't done any confirmation of affection in so long, having claimed to not want physical contact due to being asexual.

Honestly, getting dressed in girl mode with that background is hard at home we are still cohabiting. And I just don't have the energy most days, or when I do. I am away from home. Makeup for me at home is a 2 hour process with meltdowns and anxiety, where it's a 30-40 minute job in another venue.

However my family seems to think I'm not trans now, as I'm in male mode most of the time, and haven't gone full time yet.

I'm just kind of let down really. I'm waiting on a clinic waiting list and HRT, and to be free of the ex I'm cohabiting with. I'm currently masking and grey rocking a lot as she's going through tactics of being Uber helpful, and now cranking up the "woe is me" rhetoric and that also has a toll on my energy and will. so it's not a 2 hour process before my 7 am shift, and currently it's taking me an hour to even get out of my bed after my alarm goes off.

My mum even suggested I start dressing with more feminine attire, as I was standing there in women's jeans and a woman's top that she didn't even realise was not my guy clothes because absence of hair padding and contouring makeup.

It just feels like I've had my legs cut out from underneath me as I'd relied on their belief and support to get me this far, especially after being isolated from them by trying to cowtow to my wife's jealous imagination against them.

I guess I truly am alone outside of my chronically online life.