Wednesday 15th

This day just settled things for me.

A bit of background information, my dad is one of those quiet gentle but unstoppable forces. This is the guy who gave himself a second hernia while working on ambulances with an existing hernia. The guy who broke a fingernail in half laying bricks so opted to tear the entire nail off to carry working, then sulked when the garage wouldn't let him go to work without the fingernail. In my mind he was always 40 and unstoppable despite retiring 2 years ago.

Well something happned Wednesday the 15th that shattered that. His heart had a spell, and rushed to hospital after shortness of breath, grey colour, sweets, feeling cold..

I was told by my sister at 2pm while in work and immediately rushed to Carmarthen from Swansea. The only people I told was my boss as I had to leave and a gentleman I give a lift home to.

Whatever happned had passed and I found my dad outside A&E relaxing in the sun. Only then did I calm down and call my wife to tell her what happned. I got chewed out for not telling her first, but ended the call annoyed after explaining I am going to find out what's happening.

As it happened I needed to give his dog her insulin (mums eyes can't focus on a moving dog, and my sister has a needle phobia), and he was going to be kept in. For tests in morning.

After eating with sis and our mum we set about a plan for Thursday. I would go to my parents, give dog her morning insulin, do any odd jobs so dad could rest, go to work for half day and go back to mums ready to go fetch dad after tests were done. 

This was related when I got home, but my wife just went on about her heart issues and how she struggles every other month. 

My dad is safe, but I'm not. I'm seeing my dad in a new very mortal and aged way now and it's shaken me. This was absolutely not the time for her wilting flower routine.

As it happened morning jobs rolled on and I didn't need to give my colleague a lift, so I opted to hang with mum, and didn't tell wife, I was angry and sleep deprived after she opted to play a documentary while I'm trying to sleep in the bed next to her. After all, I was advising her I would be with mum in morning and early afternoon, it was on my accrued time in work. 

1pm dad messaged to tell me he's done stress tests and awaiting doc, and at 3pm we get the call to get him.

After getting home and having a brief family meeting over coffee about his meds, I head home to find an angry wife because she only heard the part about me working a half day and wasn't home early (I was home the same time I would normally be).

I can begrudgingly take being referred as a bathroom creeper, or Jane Gumb. And I get pissed off for being yelled at for the sun of using an electric toothbrush that wakes her up before work. But once again I was in emotional distress and she either was devoid of comfort, or just plain selfish over how I spend my time with my family.

I spent night on sofa with the eldest cat. Woke up, went to work. And on the way home bashed the car in Aldis parking lot out of tiredness.

Later I couldn't even go into our shared walk in closet for her badgering me with questions on what I'm up to.

So the planned Swansea Pride day with parents and sis was shut down as I melted down Friday, and I am resentfull about it still