My first time in public at last

Please excuse the lack of updates, since sunday the 28th I have been seriously sick but I now find myself recovering.

The events begin on Friday the 26th. Having been invited to a movie showing earlier in the week by Llanelli's Lavender Society my wife decided that we were not going as someone mentioned the film had a sad ending.

However, I only invited her to the lavender society for her support, after it was suggested to me that I needed support bu my sister. This was an oportunity for me to be me and after weighing up the pros and cons with my work commuting buddies I told my wife when I got home that I intended to go dressed with the clothes I had hung up.

5 minutes of shouting before she settled on us going together with a huff of "well I guesa I dont get a say in things", but later helped me set my wig ready for the next day.

Saterday morning I woke and quickly showered leaving her the bathroom to get readdy while I went and tortured myself with the epilator downstairs and gathered up my makeup.

As I came back however she had not moved from where she was binge wtching old Mike Hammer episodes on her phone. I reminded her that the film starts at 1pm and it may take me a bit longer than her to apply a face as I'm still very unpracticed.

This didnt sit well with her and she started to start in on me. Again she started dismissing my desire to appear different, and opted to push my disphoria as not normal.

I explained, in annannoyed tone, that it is indeed not normal, no different to how our autistic traits are deemed not normal but accomidating these makesmlife easier for us.

What i objected to, was her then comparing how the disphoria was something like Jane Gumb

In a previous blog I have mentioned how being reffered to as a preditor was abhorrent to me. Why she chose immediately to liken my issues to that of a serial killer from fiction was quite simply disgusting.

I told her to stop, that she had broken a promise made on the 6th to not refer to me as a preditor ever again when we opted to start again on a better direction. And i thennwalked back to the living room to collect a few more things.

Just as she did on Halloween 2022, she opted to follow me down and continue where i completely lost it.

I told her to fuck off. One more incident like this then we are done.

After 30 minutes I returned upstairs to find her dressed and with a face applied.

1 hour later, after 7 attempts at eye makeup and assistance and a loan of an eyeline marker from my wife I was ready. But then she decided to start commenting on how I may allways want to do this when we go out, with me reminding her that this is why I am on the list for Gender Services.

With 10 minutes until show beginning, with me dressed and ready, she stated she was not happy being underdressed compared to me and was considering staying at home. I took this as a last ditch efort to controll/stop me. But it made my choices easier. To angry to give a toss what my neighbours think I told her to stay home then and left.

This was the best weekend of the year thus far. It just felt so right. With the nerves and anger cancelling themselves out in determination I was able to find the hall quickly, and arrive with confidence. People I passed did not seem to double take or stare, and I arrived to a welcoming gathering.

The film itself, Pride (2014) was an amzing film. Basedmon true events in 1984-1985 that occoured near where I am now was agreat story on how helping others, even those who may not initially see your struggles can break that divide. The sad ending that someone mentioned was purely what i assumed. Its the 1980s during the AIDS epidemic. It even featured the AIDS television commercial that I remember being broadcast pre-watershed, the 80s were a messed up time, that affected me in a way I shall have to cover amother time.

Sadly all good things come to an end and I returned after taking two quick selfies. It still amazes me that these selfies exist, where selfies of me on last year's might hike with two good friends left me hollow and inconsolable.

But my day was jot over. When I got home I removed my wig and took my clothes off only for my wife to say she was out of vape juice, there was only one shop open and was closing soon.

Removing the makeuup would take to long so I only slipped my hip pads back on, threw on my stretch denim jeans and tee on (no bra or fillers) and redonned my wig and lilac jacket.

So I did get to be seen in public with my wife after all, and to be honest this is one of my favourite looks for low fuss. So much so I went online and ordered some womens trainer shoes to suit, as opposed to my hi vis running shoes I wore on this occasion.

The best part was the social media support from friends and relatives.