Rebecca Riot's Diary

After melodrama Monday/Tuesday, and a particularly rough week in work (senior managers away and so the volume raised in the office) I've been rather burnt out emotionally and sensorily close to burnout. So I have been admittedly trying to keep away from wife and cats to have own space and recharge. After coming back from my run I perched in the conservatory to just get away, and this area is covered by one cameras as it's an exit. My wife after an hour came looking and asked why I am hermiting away from everyone. After explaining that after a week of loud noises and other people's thoughts invading my own all week I need quiet, even away from my cat as she tends to invade my personal space. I advised that this is bringing me close to a meltdown and I need to recover for the week ahead. She declared that my actions and motives were selfish, as she doesn't talk to anyone all day. I'm angry. This is abelistic to dismiss my sensory recovery as to her needs. When the who...

Following my last post, and upon arrival home from work my wife had started to complain of malnutrition, as she can't find anything to eat. Usually this is solved by me offering takeout while fawning over her. However, It was the end of the month where I'm allready in my overdraft, and having my bank card destroyed by accident (I forgot to empty my running trousers before they were washed and dried in a tumble dryer). I wasn't in a position to do that, and so her melodrama continued.  I took the position of grey rocking, and not eating myself.  Tuesday it had gotten to fever pitch and I then advised I was cancelling my work shift and calling the doctor for her. She suddenly started improving, and told me it wasn't needed.

It's not so much the big arguments which have ground me down it's the little moments where when something isn't right and she takes it out on me. An example is this morning. Last time she sent me for vape juice at the local, her usual order of "jam on toast" was discontinued (and I told her that at the time). So when I was asked to get that flavour on my way home today, and I reminded her it's discontinued and hence why she had strawberry last time her mood soured. 5 minutes later she reminded me that my leather wrist strap was in the bathroom but then queried where it had come from. I honestly could not remember other than it was cheap for the Elvira costume.  "There's a lot of things just appearing lately"  to which I told her I've had it a long time, she's moved it about countless times and to be honest it had been stored in the shed with my other stuff untill she permitted my stuff in the house after the mold outbreak. Now this was in...

SUNDAY 14th Sunday hadn't gotten any easier. As usual I got early to hose out the lint built up in the dryer condenser before the usual meet up with my dad for a car boot sale (for US readers, it's a flea market where people trade unwanted items from the trunk of their car), followed by dog walking and chat with my mum. However I made the error of once again waking my wife up who started repeating on and on how she was too sick and lacked proper sleep. This may seem innocuous to most but in the past she has used this tactic to get me to cancel my existing plans and sit around for her bidding. The washing has built up over the week while she cleaned some dresses she hasn't worn in years. My wife doesn't like line drying and will use the dryer on a good day if I don't intercept the washing, and I had explained to her the evening before the dryer was overdue for deep clean. As I tried to ignore her and carry on the intensity built up until regrettably I snapped after m...

So another odd quirk struck me this.morning. It's been said that my wife can be a little self centered by many of my family she has offended, but I got a clear demonstration this morning. After waking up, not 4 minutes had passed when she started complaining that she hadn't had a message from a friend who moved to Glasgow in November. She said that no one messaged her from this side of the pond aside from another plant obsessed friend. Has it never occurred to her that our friends are busy trying to keep roofs above their heads. And maybe, MAYBE, perhaps she should make an effort to contact them and see how it's going. This is how it's been for years. Since she arrived in the UK, I initially stepped.in to show her how things are and she complained how it's complicated, too complex, etc. even making a drs appointment was conducted by myself because “no one understands my accent”. And wanting to help her fit in, and distracted with my own task list. I was initially bu...

Following Reading I have been in an emotional low, stress is up and I'm finding myself actively annoyed by continuous talk of tomatoes from the wife, and little else. Needing a perk I placed the photo of my friend and I on my phone lock screen, because it reminds me I can be happy, and it has helped. However yesterday I arrived home to my wife at the door, which is very unusual as she's normally either in the conservatory watering the forest she's put in there or on her spot of the bed chain vaping. Placing my phone down on the table upwards she caught a glimpse of my lock screen and freaked out.  She asked who was that on my phone (she must be ignoring my Facebook page as it's up there). I explained it was my friend and I from the night out. She demanded to know why I don't have a photo of her on my phone, or of us together. For context, I have ADHD and ASD diagnosis, and I really can't counter arguments without prep. She knows this. I started to ex...