How can someone be so blind to their own selfishness?

So another odd quirk struck me this.morning. It's been said that my wife can be a little self centered by many of my family she has offended, but I got a clear demonstration this morning.

After waking up, not 4 minutes had passed when she started complaining that she hadn't had a message from a friend who moved to Glasgow in November. She said that no one messaged her from this side of the pond aside from another plant obsessed friend.

Has it never occurred to her that our friends are busy trying to keep roofs above their heads. And maybe, MAYBE, perhaps she should make an effort to contact them and see how it's going.

This is how it's been for years. Since she arrived in the UK, I initially stepped.in to show her how things are and she complained how it's complicated, too complex, etc. even making a drs appointment was conducted by myself because “no one understands my accent”. And wanting to help her fit in, and distracted with my own task list. I was initially busy for the first few years trying to do her immigration paperwork, sort my work papers out and trying to make enough money to sponsor as I had to constantly reapply to stay at my posting every 6 months, so I just got on with it. And over time she slowly stopped, and then did less.

This also reminds me of how initially she would arrange with my parents to sort out Christmas gifts for me etc. but stopped, in favor of “our joint gift to ourselves”, that she would later complain if I got to grips with whatever craft machinery better such as the cricut. 

This has made my world feel very small, as she claims to be too ill to work, but after initially refusing to claim PIP in November (while I was limping around the house and doing grocery shopping after invasive testicular surgery) had seemed to relent in January to apply. But I have seen no effort for her in doing so. In the meantime she has taken up moderation of an online tomato growing Facebook group and running competition admin work.

But yet I still feel guilty about wanting to Divorce and having to do this under the radar so as not to bring her vindictive streak out too early.