Halloween 2022

I had fallen into depression late 2020 and had started to dissociate at home and at work. We had argued. And i had also confessed I was gender questioning, and apeaking to other trans and fluid people online (reddit and IRC chat), to better understand what i was going through.

Under advisment of a close friend from that circle, I began to just be me. And no longer hide, and just be absolutely honest. My wife has her ghosts from the past, shed been abused and abandoned, and it was unfair on her for me to just zone out.

March I was contemplating Halloween. I allways hold back every year and have wanted to drag out for years.

So I was asked what was I thinking about as I had my thinking face on. So i just told her.

"I am thinking about dressing as Elvira (mistress of the dark) for Halloween"

There I said it. I was expecting to be blanked or be shouted at, but instead;

"I can help with the makeup, thats easy"

I had to contain my excitment. This was so emotionally assuring to me. I wanted to dance and sing, but i also didnt wnt to overdo it and make it uncomfortable for her.

As I knew she had been very upset by my crossdressing in the past, I allowed her full controll and direction.

A month went by, two, and in june she sent me a link to a dress to purchase. Infact I bought two, one for herself.

Another month, and I am sent a link to a wig shop. And we went over makeup we had.

Things go quiet for a while and then we discuss the belt, a week later discussed one of the inner elastic waist cinchers.

I bought both belts and things started to fall apart. She seemed to have forgotten that we discussed them when I opened the Amazon package with her, and was upset.

I assumed thinhgs were done and moved on. But a week later she starts discussing adding the famous behive to the wig, she had a fragment of a black wig she can "stack". I was quietly ellated again.

Things go quiet, then the day before Halloween, just as i had resigned myself to having spent money in a cost of living crisis for nothing, angel gave me a final shopping list for cosmetics.

I got in the car and burst into tears, happy tears. I had messaged my friend a few days before in down mood just to vent so i sent a "its on!" Message and went shopping.

Later that evening we inventoried what we had. And noted the bodystocking was a V neck. We would need to shave my chest.

Halloween morning. We got up. I pottered about and noted the wig was not completed still. Well, its not screen accurate, and neither was the dress, probably for the better handing Halloween candy.

About mid day I started my electric trimmers and started work on my chest. She burst into tears and said she was not comfortable.

I was close to tears, crestfallen again. But this was about her. So i said that its not going ahead, and went to the conservetory to burst into tears out of sight. I did not want to appear emotionally manipulative.

But I was followed, from room to room, but eventually I snapped back at her.  She asked me why am I pouting (duh.), And I calmly at first itterated I am deeply dissapointed but this is not comfortable for her so i will have to just get over it.

The conversation got more heated from there. I cant remember all of the words she said to push my buttons, but remember her saying she doesnt want to enable "my gay shit" and "she didnt want to be sen with a tranny" I am not proud of what I said, I accused her of being a TERF in response to her accusations about me.

For the record, my wife and I share many friends who identify as non binary, amd more who are gay, lesbian and pan. My wife has previously identified herself as Bi. I am not expecting her to be into me in 'Becca' guise either because of this. In her words she was attracted to me as a man.

This argument however continued to esculate into screaming fits as both of us lashed out verbally. At one point my phone was wrestled from my hands (I was messaging a friend to decompress and deal with my hurt just before we both snapped) and damaged it in the process (scratched up camera and screen), so I decided to go to my parents to cool off. Once I got in the car however I was terrified she'd hurt herself or take her anger out on my property. 

Instead I walked into the bedroom to hear her trying to out me to my parents. I am greatfull that my parents are not transphobic, as they are our mortgage provider. I dont know what she was trying to acheive. If she had tried to isolate me she also ran the risk of homelessness would my parents have reacted as badly as some of my friends had (total disownment, and worse).

I had however come out privately to them 2 weeks before, as I wanted to set the groundwork for pictures of me in costume I was hoping to get and posted to social media.

This unbeknownst to her had also angered my parents in how she tried to do this to me out of spite. It took my sister 1 month to cool off.