When did I start crossdressing, and early signs missed

 

Often people will tell you a first time story, but I dont think I can give a definitive moment, and I dont think I will be done in one blog post.

It could be a drunken friends 18th party, a chivalrous offer of swapping my flats for another friends heels to walk in packed snow/ice, or even just stomping about in my mums heels rather than my dads driving boots one particular week as a toddler.

However it was clear I wasnt allways happy with my self image growing up. A photo taken one day may be perfectly acceptable, yet unbeknownst to me abhorrent the next. This I now know to be disphoria but it was inconsistent and unpredictable. 

I didnt feel trapped in the wrong body, yet at times frustrated that there'd be weeks where I quite frankly felt masculine fasions unsatisfactory, the boys blazer I wore as a school uniform I found was blocky and clunky, I felt like I was drowning in it despite it being sized and wished it was taken in around the waist like the girls blazer was.  

But there is a perticular moment for me that nearly woke me up, and that was when applying black nail varnish for a night out at a goth club. I was absolutely enamoured with my painted nails, and for ages 16-20something would be worn daily, sometimes mixed with a neon colour matching the shirt i wore under a tailored velvet pinstripe blazer (the blazer might have been a ladies jacket)

As when i was diagnosed in mid-life, as being on the autistic spectrum, i went theough months realisingissed signs, feeling i got them all, and then something would trigger another memory. I think I am about to go through this whole process again.